Love… not a word I have uttered in quite some time; well not in THAT way, I have done “I really love that restaurant, food type, film, drink” etc. but an “I love you” has not been said for some time which may be surprising for some who have read certain posts on my Habitat for Heavy Hearts blog but I could fill up many thousands of words that brought it to that… it is what it is.
However even though those three words were not said it does remind me of one time when I worked at another company doing IT support. There were a few of us working in IT and the front of house (ie reception) girls used to sit in the same room as us. We all got quite close and used to go out for lunch or sometimes even of an evening; this could be a bunch of us or even just a couple of us, and of course my day dreaming active imagination kicked in.
There was one girl , we’ll call her V, to me she was perfect (or imperfectly perfect as I like to say these days after a conversation I had a long long time ago with Claud). However at the time I couldn’t fault her (V) in any way; dark hair, smooth complexion, dark crystal clear bright eyes, lovely smile, gorgeous voice (very slight Welsh accent) and about 5”6`, not too much make up, independent, wouldn’t take shit from anyone, nothing really fake about her, I think she was 24 at the time of me working there and I was… well… older *sigh*. Don’t judge me.
One evening, I cannot recall the occasion but all of us were going out, and by all of us I mean about 5 of us from IT and 6 girls from front of house, we were going to a bar near where we worked (they have a very nice rum called Diplomatico behind the bar btw), the bar was just off of Fitzroy Square in London. So after work we all got dressed into civvies and wandered down to the bar, we played a bit of table football and were having a few drinks.
V was a bit late getting there. Now backing up a little V and I got on well, we had banter and there was a bit of joking around, I really liked her, I liked being around her, she made me feel good even though she was unaware of any of this and I was never someone that she would even consider being with, not even by accident, but I guess the main point of what I am trying to say is that we probably didn’t take each other too seriously, well at least she didn’t take me seriously but yeah I’ll admit I was smitten a tad.
Anyway V eventually turns up to the bar. V likes Whisky (this is def my kind of girl) and so we used to speak about that, and I wanted her to try the rum, (straight, no ice… as a sipping rum should be drunk). Anyway I am at the bar and she is standing to my left. Whilst I am in the process of ordering the drinks she takes off her coat. I get the drinks, pay for them and turn to her to give her the drink.
I stop in my tracks, she is wearing a blue dress, it fit her so perfectly in all the right places, and I was so dumbstruck, my face must have said it all judging by the expression she had on her face. And I simply said “wow, V, you look beautiful” I meant that more than I had meant anything else that I could think of at that point.
I cannot even remember what she said to that. But to this day in my mind no-one has looked more perfect than she did on that evening and that was it, whilst the love word wasn’t mentioned I can also say that I have called a woman beautiful even less times and that word made me think of this event..
I remember a conversation we had some time previous to this evening when she was talking about compliments, and I remember her saying something about not liking compliments that were not really meant, you know the throwaway, “you look nice” or “you look pretty” there was nothing not meant about what I said to her that night. Would you call it love? no. Was I in love with her? I think I was a little even though I know nothing would ever happen, certainly there was absolutely nothing reciprocated from her to me, but to me she was absolutely perfect.